CRIER NARRATIVE: I am honestly so exhausted from trying to appear strong

Cali Petersen, Head Photographer

When the world first shut down exactly a year ago, I honestly did not know what to expect. All I was thinking about at the time was that we were off school for a couple of weeks. The last thought that came into mind was that I would not be able to physically see anyone for months. 

While in quarantine, I became closer, yet almost too close to my family, watched the immortal series Grey’s Anatomy, grew apart from friends, realized I cannot cross my eyes, figured out that I can relate anything to the show Friends and, most of all, I realized that I really need human interaction. Quarantine has not only taught me that I will never get home sick, but that I have a deep appreciation for the opportunities and people I have in my life. 

Post world shutdown, I realized that life will never be the same. On top of battling the changes covid has created, I was entering my junior year of high school. I have previously heard that junior year is the most difficult year in high school and I cannot say that I disagree. I have always had stress and anxiety, and I think that mainly stems from my high personal expectations or the fact that I am a perfectionist. 

Covid has brought many changes to all aspects of my life, and has made me feel hopeless at times. I have grown frustrated countless times with myself this year knowing that I am not being the best version of myself. I am constantly receiving grades that do not reflect the amount of time and effort I spend studying, my skills are lacking technique when dancing, I am snapping at my parents as a result from my frustrations, I am starting to get impatient or annoyed with my peers, and sometimes I feel like my friends do not want to be around me even though I am not burdening anyone with my problems. 

Of course, I can not blame everything on covid. I have tried to surround myself with activities and people that make me happy. However, despite the changes I have tried to make this year, I feel that no matter how hard I work or how hard I try, it will never be enough. I am honestly so exhausted from trying to appear strong when I am internally suffering, I just keep telling myself that if I can get through a pandemic I can get through anything.