I recall March 13 vividly. Sitting in my last hour English class, just like countless others, I was ecstatic at the prospect of a two-week vacation, especially at a time where the burden of school only continued to weigh me down. It didn’t take long for that excitement to turn to desperation. 

Quarantine was both the easiest time of my life and the hardest. I wish I could say that I had spent my time exercising and immersing myself in new and different activities, but in actuality, I alternated between hours of Netflix and scrolling through my phone. This isn’t to say there were no high points—for one, I’m glad I got the opportunity to get closer with my sisters and spend time outside. Nonetheless, the feeling of uselessness and exhaustion stuck with me, and the bad days sometimes overtook the good. 

Months of social isolation were terrible for me. I love to see and talk to people, and I think I forgot how much I missed people until I came back to school. I got so used to it, that I convinced myself it was normal, whereas in reality, spending months without a lot of human contact is absurd. Now, when it comes to normal social gatherings or public speaking, I get anxious—this feeling of utter panic bubbles within me. Last year, I loved presentations, I loved to talk and make my point and I wasn’t overanalyzing everything I did. I don’t think I can do that now. 

I also had a huge problem with scrolling through social media, and I still do. I would often see friends together, spending the day in the city, going out—all without a mask. I did see my friends occasionally, but seeing this constantly made me feel alone, like I wasn’t hanging out with friends because I had none, not because I was trying to limit my exposure outside. 

Looking back, I can’t make out which month was which, I can only remember a few certain activities I did. I wish I had taken the time early on to really work on myself, but as the burden of school progresses, I’m continuing to try and find things that bring me happiness. It’s hard to find joy and stay happy in a time where everything is falling apart at the seams, but I continue to work hard everyday.